Monday, October 16, 2006
another chapter in my life has closed.
i just remember bits and pieces of whatever that happened on saturday..
sleep deprivation and emotional turmoil aren't the best combination to start a day with. but that was all i had..i remember finally getting out of bed after succumbing to the fact that i wouldn't be able to sleep at all.
mind me, my memory of that morning is terribly hazy.
so another minute i was in the kitchen with that parring knife clenched in between my fingers, with the tip merely denting my forearm. i remember crying..and thinking..that my eyes were hurting..i don't know how long i stood there. but i guess i snapped out of it and ran to my room. instinctively i called kak lina, she couldn't decipher what i was saying in between sobs, barely audible, i told her i'd be on my way there.
took forever to get ready. another hazy memory.. i remember bathing, crying, feeling the cool water against my hot cheeks, changing, sitting in the living room. but i remember clearly leaving home..comehow i was even running to the door. god knows why..
cabbed there and i remember mama(harvey) asking why i'm there so early. just told her i had nothing to do. then went up and cried for a few hours on kak lina's bed, drenching her favourite pink pillow. that was the moment..the moment i remember clearly- kak nani holding my hand and telling me to cry it out and kak lina holding my shoulder. they talked..i listened...cried..listened...laughed (at kak nani's point of view of the situation)..cried some more..and listened..got scolded for some things..i finally understood everything, but as everything suggests, there are too many things to say, and blogging about it just wouldn't encapsulate everything. i will leave some things unsaid la..no point already.
like they said, it'll take some time for the pain to stop. so i slept over..needed them around because i had the tendency to suddenly slip into a quiet stupor where i just thought about everything. and having them there, they would say di..are you listening..ya hahaha so then i'd stop thinking. hahah funny laaa
ok enough. i won't blog about this anymore. just that darlings, if you are trying to find me, i'll be staying at my godparents place til thursday, so anything ring my hp ok..
much love..
] the author]stories]links]guestlist